Stuck

 Line infections, dialysis needs, fever last night…all questions that need to be answered. We still don’t know when or where we’re discharging to yet, but Ruth has said she  would prefer not go to rehab.  So we’d need to piece together a discharge plan likely including caregivers.

Big picture though is that her white cell counts continue to rise, so infections are less frightening when they arise. We’re still waiting for platelets to engraft so she won’t need daily transfusions. Her liver has also recovered. As mentioned above, there’s the big question as to whether Ruth will need long term dialysis. 

Overall despite things looking hopeful to most, Ruth’s mood has really been down the past few days. She just feels stuck, despite mobility gains and some appetite returning. She can only dream about getting home. It’s been hard for her to to blog, to smile, to pray. 

A word on prayer for those who’ve never tried. Prayer is not about asking a distant Deity to answer a laundry list of your wants and needs. It’s not about stacking the odds so that the more who pray, the more likely you’ll get an outcome. It’s really about crying out your innermost feelings to a God who loves us - letting Him  know your anger , fear, wants, needs, etc.  A pastor said recently that God is only a prayer’s length away. Prayer is really for You.  It’s also meant to be corporate as well, praying on behalf of others as we are one big Body. 

So if you haven’t tried praying, give it a try. It’s never too late.  Ruth definitely needs it on her behalf right now, and perhaps you need it more than you think.

I don’t know what will be the final outcome of Ruth’s journey, but I am thankful to God for the wins so far and ask to be “well with my soul” with anything else that may fall short of my humanly expectations. 

So we’re just taking it day by day at this point…

Oh, I forgot to mention that once Ruth’s counts improved a few days ago, the doctors let Ruth leave the floor to visit Naomi for the first time in 30+ days. That was certainly a big boost to Ruth’s morale!

Tomorrow is also our 14th wedding anniversary. I’m thankful we’ve made it this far. I’m not sure how exactly to celebrate because she’s not really eating, and that’s usually how we celebrate. We also obviously can’t travel, but I’ll come up with something :) 

Roy